LOOK BEYOUND THE SURFACE

It is very easy for us to misinterpret what we see without knowing all the facts. Many of us go into a relationship with a checklist of what we want in our partners, eg: good looks, financial success, good job, jovia, romantic, etc. The problem with these lists, however, is that they tend to be only surface deep. Surely, it would be great to live with someone who has good job, good looks, rich, etc; but can you live with someone who is good-looking, rich, arogant and unkind? HELL NO. This is why it is very important to ‘LOOK BEYOUND THE SURFACE’ when choosing a [life] partner.

Suppose you want to buy a car. How thoroughly would you research it? Would you be concerned only about the outer appearance of it? Would you not take your time to look deeply-perhaps learning as much as u can about the state of the car engine?
Finding a partner is a much weighter issue than choosing a car. Yet, many of our youths who date, do not look beyound the surface, instead they quickly point to the things they share in common: we enjoy the same activities, we belong to the same society in church, we are from the same town, we attended the same primary & secondary school, even university, we agree to everything.
Though there is nothing wrong with with any of the above mentioned, there is every need to look beyound the supperficial traits because it will help to see the need of discern the secret person of the heart.

Rather than focus on the things you share or have in common, or on how much you agree to everything, it would be much better to note what will happen when you both disagree with each other. In other words, how would he or she react if it results to conflict? Wuold he or she be the type that will insist on his or her own dicision? Giving in to fist of anger? Would he or she be the type that would rain insults on you no matter the situation? Or would he or she be the type that would show reasonableness and a willingness to yield for the sake of peace when no issue of right or wrong is at stake? Would he or she be the type that would be the first to say ”sorry” even when they are not at fault just to make peace?
You would also need to consider some other factors like if this person is possessive, or manipulative or jealous. Mind you, no man can possess a woman unless they are legally married.

PURPOSES AND PRINCIPLES
Relationship, beyound the biological purposes, is probably the richest environment for self-discovery and realising our potentials as humans. It is the richest environment for learning how to live with others. It is also the richest environment for learning how to be true to ourselfves.
Now ask yourself this question: what is the purpose of my relationship?
Is it for happiness?
Is it for sex?
Is it for commitment?
Is it for children?
Is it to avoid being lonly?
The big problem though is that these are not solid ground to build a relationship upon:
1.HAPPINESS: If things get difficult, you won’t be happy all the time about your relationship. Yet happiness is the reason for the relationship in the first place, then what stops you from divorcing when the happiness is no more?

2.SEX: What if your partner’s sex dirve changes, they become depressed, or they lose the ability to perform? If sex is the primary reason of your relationship, then you will be in for some difficult times.

3.COMMITMENT: If your partner cheats, has an emotional affair, or is otherwise having doubts about the relationship, you probably won’t feel the security of commitment. And if this is the central reason for your relationship, then you would need to give it a second thought.

4.CHILDREN: No doubt, children are a gift from God, but they eventually grow up and start lives of their own. If the foundation of your relationship is biult on this, what is goin to fill the void once they move out of the house and become independent? Or what if you are not able to have children at all? What happens to your relationship then?

5. AVOIDING LONELINESS: No one wants to be lonely. However, if you enter into a relationship for the fear of being lonely, then what happens when you or your partner have to go out of town for a long period on buisiness? What becomes of your relationship?
The problem of the examples i listed above is that they are all very conditional reasons to have a relationship, and they involve relying on somthing outside your control. Unfortunatly, we cannot always rely on things outside our control being there for us. You can possibly influence your partner but you have no control over their own emotions ande vice versa. So if your relationship is based on somthing you canot control, or take personal responsibility for, then it should come as no suprice to you when your relationship seems to be hanging on for life at the whims of fate and circumstances.

TO BE CONTINUED…
Avoid conditional relationships.

LOVE WITHOUT CONDITIONS.
DATE WITH POSITIVE REASONS.
AVOID PREMARITAL SEX.
LOVE LIFE.
STAY TUNED.

CHOOSING THE RIGHT PERSON

A healthy, loving relationship can enhance many aspects of your life; from your emotional and mental well-being to your physical health and overall happiness.
Life as a single person offers many rewards, including learning to build a healthy relationship with yourself. However, if you are ready to share your life with someone and want to build a lasting worthwhile relationship, life as a single person could also be frustrating.
Finding the right partner is often a difficult journey for several reasons. Perhaps you grew up in a househoold where there was no role model of a solid, healthy relationship and you doubt such thing even exists. Or maybe your dating history consists of only short relationships where you or your partner gets bord too soon, and you don’t know how to make a lasting relationship work.
You could possibly be attracted to the wrong person or keep making the same bad choices over and over again, due to an unresolved issue from your past. It is also possible that you are not putting yourself in the right environment to meet the right person, or that when you do, you don’t feel confident enough to aproach the person. Whatever the case may be, it is important to note that a healthy relationship for you and me exists in the future. It is also important to recognise that relationships are never perfect, and always require lots of work compromise and willingness to resolve conflicts in a positive way.
To build a strong and loving relationship, you will need to sart by re-assessing some of your missconceptions about relationships that can prevent you from finding lasting love.

A healthy relationship is one in which two persons develop a connection based on;
¤trust,
¤honesty,
¤support,
¤fairness/equality,
¤separate identities,
¤respecting differences,
¤good communication,
¤a sense of humor, etc

THE NEEDS AND WANTS

When looking for a lasting relationship, forget what looks right, forget what you think should be right,and forget what your parents, friends and other people think should be right and ask yourself: does this relationship feel right for me?

The first step to finding a suitable partner is to distinguish between what you want and what you need in a partner. Wants are negotiable, needs are not. Wants includes the things you would like in a potential partner. Needs are those things that matter to you most; such as values, goals, ambitions, etc.
What qualities would you view as essential in a potential life partner? Check the list below.

¤God- fearing,
¤Goal oriented,
¤Trustworthy,
¤Honesty,
¤Supportive,
¤Respectful,
¤Peaceful,
¤Gentle,
¤Loving,
¤Kind,
¤Dependable,
¤Caring,
¤Good listener,
¤Morally upright,
¤Friendly,
¤Funny,
¤Jovia, etc.

Actually, there is nothing wrong with any of the above mentioned qualities. Each of them has its own appeal. But before you decide to put any of them into consideration, and guess who might be the right person for you, it will be important for you to know and understand yourself first.

KNOW WHO YOU ARE
Making the best decisions starts with knowing yourself and being honest about what you really want. While making decisions, other people are to be considered, but it begins and ends with you. Whichever decision you make at this point, will impact your life for a long time and hopefully for the rest of your life.
Being completely honest with yourself about who you are and who this person is, and what each of you wants from the relationship, will help you make the best possible decision. It is also important to know who you really are, what you want in life, your dreams, your strength, your weaknessess, your values, goals, ambition, emotional needs and your purpose in life. Providing answers to these questions will get you started. The more you know yourself, the more and better equipped you will be to find someone who will amplify your strengths rather than your weaknessess. Now the big question is:
WILL IT BE JUST ANYBODY IN THE STREETS?

”Hello dear, can I get to know you better?” This question will either make you feel embarrased or leap for joy-depending on who is asking.
Suppose your answer is yes. Over the cost of time, how can you tell if he/she is trully the right person for you? Suppose you walk into a store to buy a pair of shoes; while looking around, you found a pair that catches your eyes. You then try on them, only to find that-much to yuor disappointment-they are not your size. What would you do: buy them anyway? Or look for another?
It is similar with choosing a date or marriage partner. Afterall, we all need someone who we will be comfortable with. Someone who trully fits our personalities and our goals.

Now having considered this, do you still think yuo have found the right person for you?

TO BE CONTINUED…

NEXT:
LOOK BEYOUND THE SURFACE
PURPOSE & PRINCIPLES.

THANKS FOR READING.
COMMENT AND SHARE.

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NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF TEENAGE RELATIONSHIP

As the advent of internet exposes more and more teenagers to issues of life and sex, more and more of them are getting into relationships and dating at a very young age. It has been observed that teenage relationships are extremely susceptible to quick disintegration. Moreover, teenage relationship leads to numerous other damaging outcomes on the physical and emotional health of those involved. Below is a list of major negative effects of teenage relationship.

1. UNDEVELOPMENT
Firstly, teenagers are biologically immature to deal with relationships. A teenager’s brain is not fully armed with the required experience and knowledge to be able to distinguish between the right and the wrong person for them. If a teenager gets physical with a person they are dating, it leads to extremely detrimental consiquences on their health and emotional state. Teenage is a stage of preparation where a person undergoes important biological metamorphosis and the body readies itself for adult experiences. So if love, sex and other relationship related issues come before time, naturally the body and the mind will goof up and retaliate on account of lack of preparedness.

2. EMOTIONAL INSTABILITY
Teenagers are prone to extreme emotional instability, mood swings, contradictory feelings and reckless actions. Emotional maturity is a matter of time, age and experience. While some teens are definitely more mature and serious about life than others, they can be completely not denying the fact that none of them whatsoever are completely ready to handle the emotional stress and resposibilities that a relationship entalis. As a consequence of their emotional inaptitude, they are unable to deal with the many problmes associated with a relationship. They feel possessive, get hurt easily, prone to fall into depression, they become completely dependent on their partners for their happiness and wellbeing, and they begin to circle their existence solely around them, thereby ignoring their healthy parts of life like their studies, families and friends.

3. LIFE- LONG SCARS
The teenage is an extremely sensitive territory. Every experience, good or bad, creates a deep and irascible imprint on the mind of the teen. More often, teenage relationships backfires completely and leave irrevocable scars of the emotional make-up of person.

Teenager’s lives should be spent in making good friends, having great times with them, studying hard, crushing on a lot of people and other pleasant things. A relationship at such a tender age, basically exposes them to the kind of anxiety and trauma that married people go through.

Falling into a relationship erases the brighter and the more important aspects of a teenager’s life. They begin to sideline issues that are more important. Although some try to manage to retain dedication towards studies and career, most of them become distracted and disinteretsed. This inevitably leads to regrets and problems later on i life. Teenage dating also makes a teen more distant from their friends and families. They centre their social existence completely around their partners.

A POSIBLE WAY TO PREVENT TEENAGE SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS
All students should receive education about healthy relationship in schools as a part of health education. These lessons should include understanding and identifying healthy and unhealthy relationships pattern, effective ways to communicate relationship needs and manage conflict, and strategies to avoid or end unhealthy relationships.
Sex education should also be encouraged in schools to help them know and understand the locations and functions of their sex organs, to know appropriate time to engage in sexual relationships and also to have self worth so that they have a high regard of themselves and to be able to say ”NO” to sexual predators.

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8 QUESTIONS A MAN SHOULD NEVER ASK A WOMAN.

There is nothing worse than making mistakes that will later be regretted. Understanding the love language of women matters; therefore, men must at all cost, avoid asking women following questions:

1. Can I kiss you?
It is totaly wrong for a man to ask a woman if he can kiss her as she would only say a man should never ask for a kiss.
Asking her for permission to kiss her will only make you look like a boy, which is what a woman is not interested in, and even if she says ”yes”, it could be that she is only trying to be polite, while on the other side her attraction meter will read a firm ”NO.” do not ask for permission. Just go for it, if she turns her head or push you away, that’s a better form of rejection than saying ”NO”.

2. Can I take you out on a date sometime?
A woman will always like to be with a man who is a leader and in control of everything, not someone who asks her permission to hit her. A man should confidently ask a woman out by simply saying ”lets go out for a date… What’s your number?

3. How many men have you slept with?
It is totaly not your business to know the number of men she has slept with before meeting you. Asking her such question will make her feel you are not secured with her.

4. Are you still a virgin?
This is one rediculous question that most women will never want to respond to as it makes them feel embarrassed and unsecured. You don’t have to ask. Just findout for yourself.

5. Why didn’t you reply my text message?
A man should never ask a woman such question as it would show that he cared she didn’t reply back; it would also make her feel guilt.

6. Do you like me?
This is one phrase that turns off a woman completely! Just assume she likes you, don’t ask her, as it would look like you have no confidence.

7. What do you want to do for the weekend?
A woman likes a ”man with plan”. You need to have a game of plan before calling her, so as to ensure that she wont be bordened with having to think of what to do.

8. Will you marry me?
Hey, am just kidding. Just try to make sure you say it just onece in life.

So, there you have it. Real men don’t take permission from women. They are always in control. You just have to be very polite yet very confident.

Be free to ask questions and comments.