It is very easy for us to misinterpret what we see without knowing all the facts. Many of us go into a relationship with a checklist of what we want in our partners, eg: good looks, financial success, good job, jovia, romantic, etc. The problem with these lists, however, is that they tend to be only surface deep. Surely, it would be great to live with someone who has good job, good looks, rich, etc; but can you live with someone who is good-looking, rich, arogant and unkind? HELL NO. This is why it is very important to ‘LOOK BEYOUND THE SURFACE’ when choosing a [life] partner.
Suppose you want to buy a car. How thoroughly would you research it? Would you be concerned only about the outer appearance of it? Would you not take your time to look deeply-perhaps learning as much as u can about the state of the car engine?
Finding a partner is a much weighter issue than choosing a car. Yet, many of our youths who date, do not look beyound the surface, instead they quickly point to the things they share in common: we enjoy the same activities, we belong to the same society in church, we are from the same town, we attended the same primary & secondary school, even university, we agree to everything.
Though there is nothing wrong with with any of the above mentioned, there is every need to look beyound the supperficial traits because it will help to see the need of discern the secret person of the heart.
Rather than focus on the things you share or have in common, or on how much you agree to everything, it would be much better to note what will happen when you both disagree with each other. In other words, how would he or she react if it results to conflict? Wuold he or she be the type that will insist on his or her own dicision? Giving in to fist of anger? Would he or she be the type that would rain insults on you no matter the situation? Or would he or she be the type that would show reasonableness and a willingness to yield for the sake of peace when no issue of right or wrong is at stake? Would he or she be the type that would be the first to say ”sorry” even when they are not at fault just to make peace?
You would also need to consider some other factors like if this person is possessive, or manipulative or jealous. Mind you, no man can possess a woman unless they are legally married.
PURPOSES AND PRINCIPLES
Relationship, beyound the biological purposes, is probably the richest environment for self-discovery and realising our potentials as humans. It is the richest environment for learning how to live with others. It is also the richest environment for learning how to be true to ourselfves.
Now ask yourself this question: what is the purpose of my relationship?
Is it for happiness?
Is it for sex?
Is it for commitment?
Is it for children?
Is it to avoid being lonly?
The big problem though is that these are not solid ground to build a relationship upon:
1.HAPPINESS: If things get difficult, you won’t be happy all the time about your relationship. Yet happiness is the reason for the relationship in the first place, then what stops you from divorcing when the happiness is no more?
2.SEX: What if your partner’s sex dirve changes, they become depressed, or they lose the ability to perform? If sex is the primary reason of your relationship, then you will be in for some difficult times.
3.COMMITMENT: If your partner cheats, has an emotional affair, or is otherwise having doubts about the relationship, you probably won’t feel the security of commitment. And if this is the central reason for your relationship, then you would need to give it a second thought.
4.CHILDREN: No doubt, children are a gift from God, but they eventually grow up and start lives of their own. If the foundation of your relationship is biult on this, what is goin to fill the void once they move out of the house and become independent? Or what if you are not able to have children at all? What happens to your relationship then?
5. AVOIDING LONELINESS: No one wants to be lonely. However, if you enter into a relationship for the fear of being lonely, then what happens when you or your partner have to go out of town for a long period on buisiness? What becomes of your relationship?
The problem of the examples i listed above is that they are all very conditional reasons to have a relationship, and they involve relying on somthing outside your control. Unfortunatly, we cannot always rely on things outside our control being there for us. You can possibly influence your partner but you have no control over their own emotions ande vice versa. So if your relationship is based on somthing you canot control, or take personal responsibility for, then it should come as no suprice to you when your relationship seems to be hanging on for life at the whims of fate and circumstances.
TO BE CONTINUED…
Avoid conditional relationships.
LOVE WITHOUT CONDITIONS.
DATE WITH POSITIVE REASONS.
AVOID PREMARITAL SEX.
LOVE LIFE.
STAY TUNED.
YOUTH 4 LIFE 